If you are unsure about how to handle a bad guy or someone who is scary and if you feel ill equipped to cope with a situation it is critical to BE RESPONSIBLE for YOURSELF.

Non physical bullying comes in the form of a continued and indirect emotional or psychological assault that starts off in a small way that usually starts to gradually build over weeks, months or even years.

If you are unsure about how to handle something or feel ill equipped to cope with a situation. BE RESPONSIBLE for YOURSELF by firstly distinguishing what skills or knowledge that you may be lacking and then deciding to take the appropriate ACTION in remedying what you don't know or 'can't do'.

This might be talking to someone who does know, researching online, reading a book, doing a course or joining a group. One thing is for sure. If you don't do something about whatever bothers you then nothing changes.

Remember, the first step in nullifying a problem at school, the workplace or anywhere else is finding the resolve to stop it. A victim is someone who has no control over an encounter and who can be manipulated into public displays of temper outbursts or teary breakdowns.

If you are a subject of any kind of attack you have three options: 1) Do nothing 2) Fight 3) Flight.

If option 1. does not work and you have been able to distinguish that you do have the internal resolve that is necessary to do something, the next step is to make the important decision of either fight or flight, literally or figuratively depending on the circumstances.

Literally speaking ‘fight’ means that we must utilise some actual physical techniques to help discourage a bad guy or nullify their physical or emotional attack. (We will look at this in more detail in other up coming discussions)

A ‘figurative’ fight is the legal option or reporting abuse or transgressions to the appropriate authorities at work, school or your community. There is much legislation in our civilized society designed to protect our rights of individual freedom, dignity and equality. However in real terms when faced with a bad guy, except perhaps in some extreme cases, legal action is really only a symbolic reality and not a viable or practical option.

If a situation is extreme enough to result in you needing to take legal action or report someone who may be targeting you for unprovoked trouble it is necessary to be fully prepared by documenting every occasion the troublemaker says something antagonistic or launches an ‘attack’.

Keep detailed records of all incidents, times, dates and witnesses if there are any, as well as the circumstances. Record all the details no matter how slight or trivial they may seem. If witnesses to an incident are not ‘on-side’, do not say anything to them, yet write down their details nevertheless. This information will be a very handy tool if and when it becomes necessary to initiate legal action or make a report to authorities. Also, written notes are vital for formulating a ‘battle plan’, because later on when reviewing these detailed records it is possible to do so in a state of ‘mindfulness’ or focused clarity. This is an excellent way of being able to constructively think through a problem so it can be resolved.

‘Flight’ in a work or school environment could mean a simple yet effective physical move such as moving desks, departments or branches to be away from a source of ‘trouble’. It could also be an indirect action such as no longer sitting with a certain group of colleagues at lunchtime. If flight becomes the chosen option take action as soon as possible.

Sometimes though, despite all best efforts in deploying passive strategies, a confrontation with the ‘source of trouble’ may become unavoidable and you may have to ‘claim your space’. Although that might conjure up visions of a loud ‘scene’, ‘claiming your space’ could be talking calmly and discreetly to the troublemaker concerned and asking them to stop whatever they are doing that makes you feel uncomfortable, or scared.

Be aware that causing a troublemaker to lose face publicly may mean even more trouble particularly in a team position or situation. Tact, timing and diplomacy are very useful tools for dealing with bullies and trouble at school or the workplace. In drastic circumstances ‘claiming your space’ may also mean calling the police or doing whatever it takes to go through the legal system.

In a work situation if you are not comfortable with legal options, your intuition will know when it is time to re-evaluate your situation. When the negative aspects out weigh the positive it may be worthwhile to cut your losses and find another ‘calling’ where there are no bullies. The key of this principle is to balance the cost of the fight against the cost of leaving (flight) in a clear and unemotional way.

Remember also, that although asking the people you respect in life for advice can be of invaluable guidance, it is still only you who can ultimately decide on which of the three options are going to be truly right for you.

If you have any specific questions or comments about ‘Being Responsible for Yourself’, fight or flight I'd like to hear them. Keep looking at these pages because we will be looking at some more practical strategies in another discussion soon. All the best. Gary Simmons

My background is in the fields of educating people about safe customer service and leadership training in the corporate arena. As well as this I often talk about non-violent self defence moves & strategies at schools as a speaker.

Our Martial Arts school works within the community to help boys, girls, men & women to become confident and able to reach their maximum potential as human beings. 

Gary Simmons